Another lonely night.  Seem to be having those alot lately.

Went to bed around midnight but only slept for an hour before I was too awake to fall back to sleep.

After a couple of hours of gaming I'm now lonely.  Least I think that's what this is.

I've noticed lately A LOT of mouth twitching.  I THINK its most prominent when there's nothing in my mouth and I'm concentrating.

You can see it here...

Another one of those weird nights...

Slept on/off most of the day and now i'm sitting here in a zombie state.  Not awake enough to do anything constructive and of course everyone else in my social circle is sound asleep so nobody to talk to. 
I just stare at the screen.
No desire to do anything.

My mind is going 40,000 kph so can't really focus on anything.  Not even gaming is appealing.

It's weird how sometimes I'll be sitting here and a tear or two will fall for no apparent reason.  I don't feel depressed as I understand it, nor joyful.  Just "meh".
Nothing "feels" wrong.  I'm just experiencing my night, doing whatever it is I'm doing.  In this case I'm sitting here playing WOW listening to various genre's of music.  Some upbeat some not.  Just a random YT stream mix.

The human body is so strange.

Nobody will probably see thsi till after I'm gone but I'm not sure that I put it here for others to see but instead just to document my feelings/thoughts so that if someday someone wants to know more about "Bear" they will know.

selah

Tonights one of those melancholy nights where I can't sleep and can't focus much.  Just kinda sitting here being present.
I'm not moody, depressed, restless or any other *ess just in that weird place where you just "exist".

I know "existing" isn't a healthy place and my pledge for the year was supposed to be to get out more and stop just "existing" but I haven't managed to achieve that yet.

Listing to Scott Wesley Brown this morning.  My son shared one of his songs and it was quite nice.  Maybe you'll find it refreshing too.

Well, Dragonflight pre-patch #2 for Wow has released today.  Very long maintenance window but it seems to be a fun class.

You start out at level 58 and can currently only go to 60 which takes just a couple of lazy hours.  Could probably go much much faster if you focused....

...SQUIRREL....

In other news I've been sick for about 3 weeks now.  Tired alot.  Tonight is the first time I've been able to stay awake more then 1hr.  Doc wants me to go get a chest x-ray *sigh*.

Had a good chat with my brother so that was nice.
Got our xmas gifts for others planned out.  Now just have to make it happen.

Sometimes I sit here at night when its mostly quiet in the house and think about my mortality.

I'm heavily invested in http://bearsampp.com right now and am pretty much the only one the knows the ins/outs of how it all works.  I'm training jacob but he doesn't have the php knowledge that i have and mine is very little.  He's great at testing and all the admin stuff so we make a good team but it worries me, alot, what will happen to the project when i'm gone.

Having a really bum evening tonight.
Couldn't sleep and my brain is just a fog.

I guess its depression but I really have no idea why. 

Nothing drastic nor "bad" has happened recently other then a co-worker, if you will, is being annoying, but that shouldn't get to me.

I'm a bit sad over the Queens passing but, again, that shouldn't be triggering things.

Maybe its just that life is kinda "same ole same ole".

Saw the eye doctor last week and he says its time for new scripts on my glasses.

Depression is such a punk.  It popups up and doesn't care if its mild or debilitating its happy to be either.

I just realized I broke a huge project that we've spent almost 1.5yrs working on and its broken bad enough, and there's been enough changes done since we know for sure it last worked that my head is spinning.

My chest hurts, my heart hurts.  You'd think I just lost a loved one! *sigh*

Decided to spend some gaming time hunting rare mounts and stuff and found a plethora of rares worth hunting down in Draenor.