Having a weird night where I really have no desire to do anything.  Neither do I desire to do nothing!

Ted is having a hard time not going to California to be with his mom and brother et al, but I don't think I can handle being here solo for 2 weeks while he's gone.  I hate being a burden but I dont' know what else to do.  The house simply is not setup for me to be able to do things alone.

I wish we could have a more commercial christmas to MAYBE help him with his attitude/depression regarding christmas but its simply not possible.

It's been forever since we've had a joyous holiday season.  Almost seems like just another day, but I know spiritually its a very important time.

I've got to spend extra effort in 2023 to move us out of just existing into actually living.